overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
