Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
