No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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