you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
