who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
