Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
