He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
