Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
