I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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