Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
