he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
