dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
