Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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