Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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