Will you blow on my dice?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
