real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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