i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
