i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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