HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
