everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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