What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
