i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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