We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
