Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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