Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
