Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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