My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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