Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
