these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
