Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm like, not good at living.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
