Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
