Soap is not a condiment
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
