Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
