end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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