just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
