im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
