Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
