I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Found the puke drawer
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
