NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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