I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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