i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
