I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
