How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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