my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
