her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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