I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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