He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
