I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
