Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
