I will die if light touches me.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
